My passion, is to catch great candid photos!

2009-This will be a little look into what Infertility can make a person think and do.

2011-Now this has turned into a Photography Blog. The infertlity is real and has pushed us back on growing into a family. We will be raising and saving funds for an adoption possibly in the future. For now its try and live life and be happy.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Reality Check

Crohn's Disease
This week I have had to face reality of what my life and future really is. As the title states this is in regards to having Crohn's Disease.
A little background history: 2002 at the age of 19 I started to have VERY serious stomach issues. I had ultrasounds to see if there was an Ectopic Pregnancy (which at the time I had NO IDEA what one was, so I was going in willing to accept a pregnancy with my now husband WAY earlier than anticipated. Ha, yeah someone should have told me the details!). I drank Mineral Oil cause I was just "constipated". I had sooo many people ask me if I was pregnant, I was very bloated and being a small person (roughly 90pds!) it really showed. I would run severely high temperatures but be able to go about my day without knowing it. It became normal to be in severe abdominal pain, have a high fever and get literally sick daily! I couldn't tie my shoes cause I couldn't bend over without agonizing pain. I stayed at our apartment laying on the couch in fetal position ,while my boyfriend would go out with his friends.
Needless to say one day I asked to go home early from work cause "something just wasn't quite right". They were always concerned for me along with many others. I did not have health insurance at the time and working a minimum wage job, so it was difficult to pay for Dr appts. A week before "something just wasn't quite right" I had went to a Gastroentologist that my grandmother saw herself. She was able to get me in their office before the appt that my family physician had scheduled with another Gastoentologist. He suggested a CT Scan, but with me paying for that myself I asked to receive meds for IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome) instead. Well I made it A WEEK!
I went home that day and was getting sick quite often. Around 1am what was coming up was NOT what I had just put down there! SCARY! I call my Mom to ask what she thinks I should do. She says "Tell Patrick to take you to the ER and let us know where you are going and your Dad and I will meet you there." they live an hour away from where I had moved to be with Patrick. So I had the luxury of waking my boyfriend up and tell him it's time to go to the hospital. He immediately got up and out we went.
After getting some lovely drugs to make me feel better. After (what I believe was a CT Scan) a test showed that the YUMMY (not) liquid I had drank literally stopped flowing cause the bowel had flipped itself over and was twisted.
Immediate surgery was done that morning. I was then welcomed into the world of having a life-long, incurable medical condition called: CROHN'S DISEASE
So here I was a freshly turned 20 year old with a life-long disease. I was told at the time of surgery that he thought they had been able to remove all that was there. But I was also told that that does not mean that it is gone! It may become active again or it may never show it's face.

Last week I went to see my Gastroentologist for the second time in less than a year. It has been 8 years since my surgery, but again "something just didn't seem quite right". This time I HAVE health insurance and plus I KNOW that I have an issue. (I do not want to be in fetal position laying on a couch while everyone else goes out again!) I have lost roughly 20-25pds in less than a year. I am wearing pants that I have not been able to wear in 6 years (thank goodness I kept a few of them!). I wasn't having quite the same complications as 8 years ago, but I just had a feeling that something may be off again.
So it was time to step up to the plate of REALITY. I agreed to have a Colonoscopy along with a EGD (These are the test where scopes are used to look around the upper and lower digestive system) a procedure that I have been TERRIFIED of, TERRIFIED. I agreed because he told me I would be put to sleep, lol. OK I can deal with taking good drugs so I have no recollection of this!
So it was time to do the "prep" for the test. The crap I had to drink was the MOST DISGUSTING STUFF EVER! It took the max. time frame to work and made my stomach just grumble and crappy. Once it started to work the fear came back, I am not really going to do this am I?! But I have to, something isn't right and this is the best way to know exactly what IS going on. So I finished my prep (I couldn't finish all of the "major" prep, cause it was gagging me and I felt I had enough in my system that I was good to go anyways.) and headed out with my husband into the morning rush hour traffic.
We arrive late, registration was backed up so that took longer than it should have. I am just looking at the main entrance and really wanting to just RUN OUT OF THERE! Finally name is called and it's time to get signed into the hospital :(
I had soo many people tell me the prep was the worst part and I had nothing to worry about. None of that helped me to not worry, this has been a nightmare of mine and I had to live it right now. I get the IV which I again almost pass out from cause heaven forbid a needle comes near me "rolling my eyes", lol. I made it through that it I will admit that was the only uncomfortable situation I had while at the hospital!
It's time for me to be rolled back into the room, YAY omg talk about nerves. I am still fine as I am first in observation room. Then she puts oxygen on me, immediately this becomes real. Tears just start rolling down my face. I just don't understand why me, why do I have to have this incurable disease and be put through my worst fear?! My Dr comes over to talk to me but sees that I am upset, he tells me they are going to take care of me and I will be fine. He then puts the "good" drugs in through my IV tells me it's going to burn a little and YEP IT BURNED ALITTLE! I tell myself just breathe through it, that was my modo for the past few days, whether it was pain, or mental issues "Emily, just breathe through it.". He asks if I am scared and I tell him yes. He ask if I am scared of what could be found or of the procedure. I was like "The Procedure!" I mean how normal is it to have a camera shoved down your throat and in your booty hole?! To me that's NOT normal.
The last thing I remember was looking in his eyes(he has been my "butt"
Dr since the beginning) and telling him "This is Reality".

Next thing I know I am being woke up back in recovery. We are then told that my Crohn's Disease is active but it is Mild. The upper scope showed no reason for my weight loss. So good news and unexplained news came out of my nightmare.
I will say I was worked up for NO REASON!!! I have no memory of anything after seeing the black cameras, which I may suggest to him not to bring in till the person is out lol, come in and the sedative. I feel NO DIFFERENT ANYWHERE! I though for sure I would be one "uncomfortable" lady.

So I have lived through my nightmare, my worst fear and came out looking like a moron for being so freaked out about it. But now we know, we know my Crohn's is active and I need to be officially put on meds so it doesn't get any worse. I need to get back into my healthy lifestyle so I can do as much as I can to help keep myself healthy while I'm able to.

If anyone has questions about Crohn's don't be afraid to ask, it's one of those "invisible" diseases, both my brother and I have this disease but we both have completely different issues.

My new Reality is, I am not invisible from this terrible disease.

No comments:

Post a Comment